Self-care vs mom guilt

Mom guilt. Its real, and its terrible!!

— Oscar Wilde.

As you see, the quote that I commonly use is, “a mother cannot give from a depleted source.” I’m literally so exhausted that no amount of sleep can make me feel refreshed anymore. My “emotional bank account” has been overdrafting for months…many many months.

Im a stay at home mom, I need to go back to work but the mom guilt is real. Im in pain and need to take frequent breaks but I dont because the mom guilt is real. I dont go out with my friends because the mom guilt is real. I went back to school to pursue my dreams and left because my MOM GUILT IS REAL!!! How can moms take care of themselves without feeling guilty about it? I dont get much adult time, my day generally consists of talking about the latest Spongebob episode, or fighting with younger versions of myself about attitude problems.

I have a 1 year old who was recently diagnosed with an emotional impairment. I never know what kind of mood hes going to be in, our day could be great…or my world could come crashing down in a matter of moments. When hes having his bad days, my oldest doesnt get my attention much at all. The stress from the constant screaming is enough to break me, let alone the guilt I feel for using the tv as a babysitter for my oldest. My husband goes to work and is gone most of the day, and some days I envy him. Some days I wish I had that change of pace. I know, I know…thats terrible for me to say I want a break from my kids.

How do we do things for ourselves? How do you not feel guilty? HOW DO WE TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES WHEN THESE TINY HUMANS COUNT ON US? The fact of the matter is we need to figure it out!! We cant be the best mom to our kids if we dont first take care of ourselves. Im not saying go out every night or ignore your children! But I have to convince myself that I am not a bad mom for wanting to take a shower. Im not a bad mom if I take a 20 minute break to paint my nails, instead of doing the dishes. My house does not have to be spotless so I can find time to make myself a plate of my favorite food and watch MY show for once! I am NOT selfish, I am NOT ignoring my kids…im simply ALLOWING myself time for mama!

We need adult interaction. It cant be just kids all day long. Its okay to call your best friend while the kids are eating. Its okay to call the babysitter so you can grocery shop alone. We dont realize how much we talk ourselves out of doing just because we have kids. I dont like to ask people for help me with the kids, it feels almost like failure! I should be able to do everything on my own, I dont want people to think im a bad mom. But if I could just ALLOW myself to appreciate help when its offered maybe I can get myself to ask for help too.

That brings me to my next thought. Where is your village? Are they offering help? Do they see you struggling? No one can help if they dont know you need it! Dont be super woman mama, its okay to ask for help. And to the mamas who have asked for help and didnt get it…ive been there. It makes you believe that no one cares. My village is small so im learning who I can really trust to be there and who stays as an option. Know your village, and utilize them to assist when your emotional bank account is empty. Dont run on empty for too long. Love yourself enough to take care of YOU so you can better care for you mini’s. “a mother cannot give from a depleted source”.